Just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there

I stayed up entirely too late reading If You Feel Too Much by Jamie Tworkowski.  We get up early to get the girl and her friends to volleyball practice and as we get into the car, One More Light by Linkin Park starts. It seems fitting, given the book I was reading late last night and into the new morning. I feel sad and happy and overwhelmed. I've been feeling heavy lately and Jamie's words lifted that for a bit and the song is, actually, doing the same. Chester Bennington's soft voice rides with us through the fog and teenage silence around me.  It's early and I wonder if today will be heavy or light. I can't quite feel it yet. The girls are off now, and I get a few minutes of being alone in the rain. I resolve to read more stories of kindness and struggle, of heaviness and light.  I think about my dad and my husband and the men in my life who would never wave torches in polo shirts and khakis. Who would never choose to intimidate and scare just because they can. The man who would be horrified by it all but who might know just the words to help me think it through and keep my faith that all will be well. I smile when I remember that a friend I've never met is sending a piece of art he created and thought I'd want to have. I think of the women who lift me and carry me and the times I've gotten to carry them. We take care of each other and challenge each other and put kindness into the world the best ways we know how.  I think of them and the words from last night and I am hopeful and grateful and light.